Find your fuel

Motivation is one of the hardest relationships to maintain. Physical motivation vs psychological motivation. The fuel for motivation vary so much between people. People ask me at the gym, after watching me workout and hop on the rowing machine… “How do you do it?” “ Do what?” “Come up here(the gym), you’ve got so much going on at home and in your life.. there are so many people in the world with smaller problems and they’d welcome it as an excuse to not go up the gym. How do you do it?” My motivational drive is anger and pain. Sometimes I get so worked up with anger, working out in the gym is the only outlet. My playlist title is the emoji of a middle finger.. I mean that sums up everything for me.  I think personally it’s more constructive to channel your bad emotions through something constructive creating a positive outcome and remember time is limited. Even more so for myself.. that’s why i try to work with the brain tumour charity as much as i can.



Every single person will come to a point when they question why  am I doing this? Or who am I doing this for? If the this is something that throws barriers (temptations to not do it) at you maybe the this… isn’t for you? Like a job, if you don’t want to go to work or enjoy doing your work, you won’t work well. Find something you like, recognise what lifts you out of bed and what you get out of it; seeing work friends, joy of submitting your work, gratitude that you’re healthy enough to do a spin/Zumba/yoga class, stress relief after a workout, fulfilment etc. Utilise your awareness of these things and abuse them. Cement it. Make it a habit. Harness the positive energy you get from going to the gym, doing your job or anything else.


Motivation is meant to hit a wall at some point.. The walls vary in height or thickness. But you have to get through them. Anger and love are my fuel that get me through those walls. I know that. When I don’t feel up for training I know I can go to the gym channelling some of my emotions whether it’s the anger directed at the situation I’m in/ people are in or the love of my family and people I’ve lost (anger slips in here) to just… keep on going. Turn up to whatever workout is scheduled today, because if they were here, they would do it.


What’s the point in submitting to the wall and sitting and waiting for it to go away. It won’t. You will only feel worse, and the next time you want to go.. that wall will have laid a nice foundation for itself, maybe chucked some barbed wire on top. Making sure it will stop you again, and again, and again. You have to accept it isn’t going to be an easy one and just… get through/over it. Find your fuel. It may take a few attempts. Trying and failing isn’t a failure. Failing to try is.


Only we can help ourselves, no one knows what helps you, apart from… you guessed it, you. The negative emotions of sitting and sulking destroy motivation. Sinking (bathing) in your excuses, like quicksand, to not do the things that will help your health, mindset, happiness and future. Accept the situation and channel how you feel constructively. If you do need help from others with motivation and all the emotions.. take control, bring people in, who you believe can help; personal trainers, counsellors, training partners, friends and family. I’ll be truthful here, I’ve incorporated all of these tenfold after my second announcement of chemo. Accept your faults/ problems and they’ll have less power over you. Faultless and problem free. There is no better feeling getting through the toughest times from your own doing.


A relationship with motivation is beautiful and it will affect most things in your life in a positive way. Once you build up more positivity in your life, the motivation will not waiver, I can assure you that. They come hand in hand. That’s the secret to having uncapped motivation. Positivity, optimism, acceptance and acknowledgement of the difficulties in your life. Don’t avoid them. They are part of who you are, don’t lie to yourself. You are flawless, you are one of a kind, only you know the answer to “who are you?”. I think everyone has issues that feel unfixable (flawed). But these so called flaws define every person on earth.


To use the term loosely, my obvious flaw is my DNA went wrong along the way. Brain cancer. Incurable brain cancer. Terminal cancer. I can’t change that, my DNA  is who I am. I’ve found fuels in anger and love through my life and especially with my path in the patient zone – I would probably of never found my fuel if it wasn’t for cancer finding me. The hardest times in life shapes you, how you react to it sculpts you. I love this line, I’ll share it with you “From the darkest nights, we find the brightest stars”. I love stargazing and I hope you do too.  Don’t give up, Don’t give in, have a break, collect yourself and stargaze to guide you.